Any relationship in the world arises from the communication of masculine and feminine. They deepen in marriage, go through different stages and crisis periods.One of the postulates of family psychology sounds like this - the weather in the house depends on both partners, on the depth of their communication, awareness of their duties and their fulfillment. If the spouses value each other and strive to save the family, they will have to overcome the stages of cooling relations and direct opposition to interests. However, as a reward they expect true love, friendship, deep understanding and respect for each other.
Stages of development and levels of family relations between a husband and wife
Stages of development of family relationships include:
- Hunger. Lovers with trepidation are waiting for a meeting, call or message. They are fascinated with each other, always find the opportunity to see early and stay together longer.
- Saturation-satiation. Relationships are aligned. Spouses have easy time apart. The feelings and desires of the partner are perceived calmly.
- Disgust. A man and a woman feel it from the mere fact of the presence of each other. "Chemistry" of love disappears, love ends. Quarrels arise from scratch. Reasons for adultery and divorce becomes too much.
- Patience. More often families with a child / children reach it. Awareness of the consequences of a divorce for them is sobering at least one of the partners. There are quarrels, but there are good reasons. They are manageable for partners at the level of emotions and words. Understanding the need to change yourself, not your spouse. Accepting each other's character traits without idealization.
- Debt or duty. From this point on, respect for the spouse is born. The consumer approach in the relationship at the previous stages goes into “what can I give him / her?”. Spouses accept each other as they are. Take into account the interests, tastes, values, priorities of a dear person. Attempts to alter the partner anymore.
- Cordial friendship. 100% acceptance and trust each other. The opening of the heart in joint conversations, the ease and spontaneity of actions are signs of relationships at this stage.
- True love. The ultimate goal of family relationships. You should read about it in the Bible in the Epistle to the Corinthians.
Relationships in the family between husband and wife have their own levels:
Crises in family relationships, if left without a constructive solution, inevitably lead to the degradation of both partners in all senses and even to the death of one of them. People lose their human face, descend to antisocial behavior, rudeness and assault.
The table of crises in family relationships and their characteristics:
Family psychology gives a different classification of crises depending on the number of years lived:
- 3 years when the family is replenished with a child. Spouses move to a new stage of development, become parents, learn to interact with each other in these roles.
- 7 years - coincides with the stage of satiety. Character and habits are studied, a person becomes predictable in his actions. High probability of betrayals for new sensations.
- The crisis of middle-aged spouses. They are driven by fears that some goals remain unattainable. There is a desire to break family ties and start a new page in your life.
- Care of children from home. The couple is aware that they have done everything important in life, it’s time to live peacefully for themselves. Spouses can move to the suburbs, go on a trip together.
Rules of a happy marriage
In the psychology of family life, there are postulates underlying the relationship of happy men and women in marriage. How many couples, so many secrets of happiness in their families. However, there are general rules, without which the rest will lose their relevance and strength:
- Understanding the characteristics of the opposite sex, psychology, character of the partner. If people deliberately marry, they usually study each other’s character traits, the work of family psychologists, the stories of happy couples.
- Respect for the personality, the cause of the spouse, its boundaries, freedom in pursuing your favorite hobby. If the husband appreciates fishing not only as a sport, but also a way to relax, think, then his wife should let him go. On the other hand, a woman's passion for handicrafts, yoga, and Latin dances should also be taken by men.
- A good time together - a common cause, occupation, rest, good sex. The more bright moments, the stronger the family. Memories of them give strength to the couple when she passes the next test, relationship crises.
- Saving your value for yourself. If one partner dissolves in the other, he eventually loses interest for the latter. Acting only for the sake of a spouse and neglecting your desires, plans, values is dangerous for self-esteem and a happy future together.
- Communication and the ability to negotiate peacefully, the balance of emotions, honesty. The process of communication is the most interesting and difficult at the same time. Often, emotions accompany a conversation, but it is important to feel their balance so that communication does not grow into a quarrel or scandal. Stealth or lies between spouses are unacceptable due to the acceleration of the moment of misunderstanding and separation of the couple.
Conflicts in the family and how to resolve them
As follows from the stages of development of relationships and crises in families, conflict situations are inevitable. Spouses will quarrel, argue, argue on raised voices, it is possible to make trouble. The reasons for the conflicts are:
- different views on a problem or question
- the development of new roles, for example, after the birth of a child,
- everyday problems,
- difficulties in the professional sphere, for example, low wages of the husband, the difference in the level of wages of men and women in favor of the second,
- intolerance to partner weaknesses.
However, the destructive consequences of such situations can be avoided if you are able to resolve conflict moments in a timely manner. Ways may be as follows:
- ask for forgiveness, apologize first no matter who was the initiator,
- joint campaign to a family psychologist,
- dialogue in calm tones, turning into conciliatory sex.
Family Relationship Between Husband and Wife: Stages of Development
Building a separate new family is always individual. Each person has his own character, interests, level of education and material income. Families are created at different ages and under different circumstances. At the same time, the stages of development through which each family passes are clearly traced.
After the formation of a new unit of society, the same questions arise for each couple: learn how to manage a common household, get along with the relatives of the second half, raise children correctly, and more. The joint solution of such issues is the development of relations in a couple. Psychology of family relations identifies seven main stages of their development:
- Love. At this romantic stage of the relationship, the partner’s faults are not noticed or are misinterpreted. For example, negligence is confused with pretty dispersion, rudeness - with a strong character, lack of taste - with creativity.
- Confrontation. The transition to this stage often coincides with the desire of the couple to live together, after which people get to know each other more closely. The solution of everyday issues reveals different views on things, and the chosen one is not who he saw through the rose-colored glasses of the first stage. Psychology of family life teaches how to normalize relations at this stage of development with the help of a sense of humor, the ability to show tolerance and to find positive moments in any situation.
- Finding a compromise. At this stage, acceptance of the shortcomings of its second half gradually comes, but the irritation does not go anywhere. The couple learns to find a compromise in most controversial situations.
- Patience. The disadvantages of the second half are no longer annoying, tolerance comes, and the full acceptance of the partner for what it is. After understanding this, a couple strengthens the relationship, and they develop into a mature relationship between a man and a woman.
- Respect. After experiencing unrest between the spouses, there is a surge in feelings at a new level. A firm understanding of “WE” appears, and the development of the “I” of each spouse is not so painfully perceived. Sincere pride and joy comes to partner in personal growth. Successes in career cease to be perceived as interferences with family life.
- Trust and gratitude. The psychology of the family at this stage reveals the emergence of gratitude to the partner. Spouses are ready to coordinate their actions and adapt to the needs of the second half.
- Love. Only after passing through all six stages, and not losing each other in constant confrontations, the couple finds true love, which over the years becomes only stronger and no adversity can dissolve them. At this stage, the relationship goes to the spiritual level, the spouses understand each other half-word, half-look. Unfortunately, not all couples reach this stage.
Psychology of the relationship between husband and wife: levels
Family psychologists call three psychological levels of a husband and wife relationship:
- social level. It implies the mandatory formalization of marriage. Both spouses understand that they have certain obligations to each other. Such couples have a tacit agreement in the relationship: partnership or leadership of one of the spouses. There are usually no confrontations for dominating a couple,
- sexual level. Harmony in the intimate relationship between a man and a woman is the key to family well-being. However, the cause of the conflict may be the infidelity of one spouse, more often it is a man,
- emotional level. The psychology of the relationship between a man and a wife highlights this level as the most important. It happens that the emotional and sensual heat with time subsides, and satiety sets in. The couple quietly and peacefully diverge. To restore the emotional connection, psychologists advise partners to live apart for a while.
Family life crises by year
Psychology of family relations reveals the onset of the crisis absolutely every couple. Someone is faced with this at the very beginning of the relationship, and someone, after 25 years. Psychologists of family relations clearly explain the occurrence of a crisis in one or another period of marriage between spouses. The crisis over the years, the ordeal for a married couple, and not all survive crises painlessly, as a result of the family destroyed.
First year crisis
In the first year of life, the partners study each other, grind, fight for leadership in the family. By the end of the year, the idealized image of a partner, inspired by romance, is being replaced by a real image. This crisis bypasses those people who entered into marriage consciously and deliberately. Romanticists are in for deep disappointment.
Crisis after 3-5 years
By this time, as a rule, a child appears in the young unit of society. The already formed way of life is changing, and often the first man begins to experience discomfort. Constantly crying child, nervous wife, hyperactive grandmothers, lack of finances - all this leads to the fact that the young father of the family does not stand up. At this stage, family psychology teaches the spouses to be able to support each other for a successful, joint overcoming of all difficulties.
The crisis of 7 years
The most controversial in the psychology of the relationship between a man and a woman in marriage is the crisis of 7 years. During this period, boredom creeps in from the daily routine, and monotonous sex on a schedule. The child is no longer capricious, the housing issue is settled, the responsibilities are clearly divided. The past day is an exact copy of the following.
The spouses have studied each other very well over the years they have lived together, and there is no romance left in the relationship. In search of the diversity of the sexual life of the spouse begins to glance at the side, and often there are betrayals. Opinions of psychologists are divided: some believe that it is routine that causes the disintegration of the family, others tend to infidelity of the husband. Men more often leave the family after 7 years of marriage.
The crisis of 14 years
The most difficult psychology of family relations is the 14-year crisis of married life. During this period, the parents begin a midlife crisis, and the child has a transitional period. Just yesterday, a smiling child, today turns into a closed, gloomy teenager. Misunderstanding between child and parents leads to conflicts in the family.
Adults begin to rethink personal achievements and come to the erroneous conclusion that the family has become a hindrance to a failed career. Everything is aggravated by the difference of views on the education of a difficult teenager, which leads to more frequent recurring quarrels.
25 years crisis
The initiators of a divorce after 25 years of family life are more likely to be men. A woman has a menopause during this period, hormonal changes take place, and her sexual activity decreases markedly. Men, on the contrary, want to show everyone (and first of all to themselves) that it is too early to write them off, and they start thinking about betrayal.
Children by this time are already growing up and leaving the parental nest, and it turns out that they were the factors that kept the family together. During this period, it is important to morally support each other, begin to actively relax together, pay more attention to the partner and then the relationship will grow into a new, spiritual level of development.
Simple rules for building good relationships.
Psychologists who study the psychology of family relations between wife and husband, have developed simple rules, using which the incipient conflict can be suppressed at an early stage. Five rules to help keep family peace:
- respect each other and relatives of the second half,
- be attentive and thankful
- be able to make concessions and forgive
- not to focus on the shortcomings of the partner, especially in terms of sex,
- listen to the other half and look for a compromise together.
Even following these simple rules does not guarantee the preservation of relationships. It is important not to lose physical contact, because through touch you can tell a lot to your loved one. Common goals, dreams and their joint implementation contribute to the establishment of close relationships.
Ready for family life
When planning to create a family, the couple should have a general understanding of the psychology of the family and family relations. This knowledge will save from mistakes in the future and help assess the readiness for family life. It is a mistake to assume that puberty is enough for harmonious relationships and creating a family. Psychology of family relations focuses on the three criteria of a couple's readiness to start a family: physical and mental maturity, social maturity, and ethical and psychological readiness for joint family life.
Mental maturity implies the ability of a person to self-realize, soberly look at the existing state of affairs, the ability to find a common language with other people. The future spouses understand that they will have to share household and financial difficulties in half and are ready for mutual assistance.
Social maturity implies education, work and the ability to feed oneself and family.
Psychological readiness implies the existence of common interests, spiritual values, and views on the upbringing of children and the awareness of the concept "WE". At the same time, the personal “I” of partners should not be infringed.
Understanding the psychology of the relationship between husband and wife in marriage, will save young people from hasty decisions and thoughtless conclusion of a union.
How to build a relationship of trust?
At the initial stages of development of relations, a high level of trust in the partner is formed. The lovers share secrets and dreams, reveal their soul to each other, and make plans for the future together. But after the start of family life and the birth of a child, the difficulties of life and daily routine minimize the warm communication in a couple. Over time, this leads to alienation, and as soon as children grow up, there is no need for them to preserve the appearance of the family. As a result, the couple divorced.
Psychology of family relations provides an answer to how to avoid such a plot, to re-build and in the future to maintain the trusting relationship between partners.
Knowing and using the following psychologist's advice, the probability of alienation of the second half is reduced:
- try as often as possible to praise your partner, make compliments, say warm words,
- follow the words and even in jest to prevent offensive words to the dear person,
- do not use “closed” gestures during quarrels (crossing arms, looking frowningly, bending the body forward),
- do not interfere in the partner’s private space without asking,
- not to interfere in the union of outsiders (parents, friends, colleagues),
- do not throw out irritation on a loved one, no matter how strong the desire,
- do not accumulate offense, just say that does not suit in a relationship.
In addition, it is important to perform household duties together, dividing them equally. Often, lack of understanding of responsibility for daily obligations at the household level, causes a young family to break up.
Даже знание и использование на практике вышеприведенных правил и психологических приемов не помогает сохранить семью. В этом случае стоит обратиться за профессиональной помощью.
Подобную помощь на высоком уровне оказывает психолог-гипнолог Никита Валерьевич Батурин. On the channel in Youtube posted interesting, informative videos, describing in detail the psychological problems and methods for solving them.
Joint family counseling provides an opportunity to understand the problem of one or both spouses and find ways to solve. The psychology of family relationships provides general concepts of the difficulties that arise in a family, but the same events in each family are perceived and experienced in different ways. Without specialized psychological help, some couples are simply unable to cope with the crisis on their own and change themselves to save the family, even if they love the second half.
Theater family life
The concept of “social role” came from social psychology. Its essence lies in the fact that we constantly play one or another role depending on the conditions: either we are pedestrians or passengers, then buyers or clients of any institution, and so on. We constantly wear masks that match the selected roles.
Family is no exception. This is a real theater where various performances from comedies to the hardest tragedies are played. Husband and wife are the main actors of the family theater. In communication, everything is important: views, every phrase, intonation, with which words are pronounced, with what gestures all this is accompanied.
In social psychology, there are concepts of a proscenium and wings, as in a theater. On the proscenium, we are playing good family relationships before strangers, especially when we want to make a favorable impression. Clarifying relationships often occurs behind the scenes of family theater. This implies a very important point - the expectation of one spouse of one or another role to be played by others. We begin to assimilate these roles since childhood in our parents families. Then, as a legacy, we transfer them to new families. The husband expects his wife to be like his mother, and the wife reproaches the husband that he is not as skillful as her father. We learn to be wives and husbands from our parents, we learn their patterns of behavior. Therefore, the relations of spouses are often similar to the relations of their parents.
The burden of matrimonial roles is heavy. Expectations are often not true. Disappointments hurt. Often this is the cause of many conflicts in the family. The desire of the wife (husband) to be yourself should be respected. However, based on the experience of the relations of their parents, it is worth making your personal conclusion and go through life in a new way, without repeating their mistakes. Build relationships qualitatively different, move to a higher level.
Types of relationships
The relationship between husband and wife, significantly different from any other, have at the same time a lot in common.
Family psychology identifies the following types of relationships:
Cooperation is an ideal relationship between people, where mutual understanding takes place, mutual support of each other. The best kind of relationship for a family.
Parity - equal relations, they are based on the mutual benefit of family members. They are also called partnerships.
Competition - a relationship where there is a desire to achieve more and better in benevolent rivalry. It is good if it is aimed at common family goals. But the presence of competition in the family adds to the relationship nervousness and tension. Sometimes the competition goes into rivalry, and then turns into an open confrontation.
Competition - the desire to dominate the partner, to suppress it in any areas. In a competitive relationship between a husband and wife, one does not have to talk about the internal unity of the family. Established the so-called "laws of the jungle", where the struggle of interests and goals. Competition is detrimental to marital relations, having arisen, it quickly destroys the family.
Antagonism - a sharp confrontation spouses. It is the result of a competitive relationship. Such a union is of a forced nature and is maintained due to strong pressure from outside. An invisible gulf appears in the family, which arises in the relationship between the spouses, and no forces are able to save her (the family) from destruction.
The types of family relations between a husband and wife cannot be permanent, and they change quite often. So in the case of excessive getting used to each other, fatigue or extinction of feelings, the relationship of cooperation between the spouses may turn into parity or even temporary competition.
Relationship Psychology identifies three levels of relationship between spouses: social, emotional, and sexual. They are closely related. Violations on one level leads to negative changes on others.
Social level The relationship between husband and wife suggests a registered marriage. The basis for building social relations is a contract, mutual agreement, prescribed roles (husband and wife), obligations and corresponding behavior. Sometimes people call themselves husband and wife, but they do not have social status registration. This is a common-law civil marriage. In such a union, there are emotional and sexual relationships. They claim that the stamp in the passport does not play any role. Kohl does not play any role that prevents legalize the relationship? From the point of view of family psychology, infantilism and the unconscious unwillingness to be responsible for the family is hidden under a civil marriage. One of the conditions for the success of social relations is the harmonization of ideas about marital roles. Ideally, a man and a woman tell each other their ideas about the roles of a husband and wife, find an acceptable model for both.
Over time, this arrangement may be revised. In social relations, there are two types of contract: with the dominance of one of the spouses and partnership. If the husband dominates the relationship, the wife takes the direction of the husband. That is, “being married” means “being with your husband.”
Sexual (intimate) relationships - This is the relationship between a man and a woman at the level of bodies. Harmony does not occur immediately. Dialogue and mutual understanding are important in this area. Intimate relationships can not only strengthen the marital union, but also destroy, lead to adultery.
The emotional relationship between husband and wife is very important, but they do not involve any contracts. You can promise to love all your life, but where is the guarantee that this will be done? And if love disappears in a year? Is it possible to force yourself to love and for how long? In such a situation, you would rather hate than love. Thus, any contracts at the level of emotional relationships can cause feelings of guilt or resentment.
Emotional relationship between spouses are subject to change: they can increase, and may disappear. Why is this happening with our relationship? Perhaps due to the action of two laws - interiorization and rhythm.
Interiorization is the process of going deep into our consciousness of psychic phenomena, including feelings. You watched the movie and you really liked it. How many times can you revise it? How many times can you re-read your favorite book? How long can you listen to a beautiful melody? Sooner or later, satiety sets in, and you get into something else. Similarly, a similar metamorphosis occurs with the senses: they become addictive, their acuity becomes less, and the brightness dims. Love no longer stirs, as before, but it is warming in the depths of consciousness. Or quietly died? Anything can happen with feelings. Sometimes you need to go through serious trials to understand that love for this person lives in the soul.
Law of rhythm
Scientists say: man is a child of nature. Everything in nature exists in a certain rhythm. The law of rhythm is manifested in the emotional relationship between husband and wife. Even very happy families experience periodically changes of five positive and negative phases of relations. So says the psychology of the family and the famous sociologist V. Zatsepin. What are they interesting?
On first phase relationship shows deep love, at this time all our thoughts about the partner. Mere memory alone causes a storm of tender feelings. However, mother-nature does not allow us to be in such a state for a long time. There is an addiction and a slight cooling. We go down from heaven to earth.
In second phase relations between a husband and wife, the image of a loved one (love) emerges less frequently. More often, we begin to remember failures, and there are not entirely pleasant feelings for him. Ah, he didn’t remove it there, but she didn’t add salt and so on. Claims are small and minor. But as soon as he (she) appears, the feelings flare up again.
Third phase brings further cooling of relations between spouses. There is a feeling of monotony and boredom. There comes the fatigue of communicating now with a former loved one. The negative aspects of the characters come to the fore (as if they were not there before). Here are the first unpleasant bells: quarrels over trifles. The charm of the image of the beloved is lost. Oh love where are you? And it is not easy to return the feeling with flowers, petting and gifts. What to do? How to return love?
You may be interested in the article psychology of communication and family.
Perhaps these tips will help improve relationships with your husband (wife):
- show care, patience and understanding
- reduce the intensity of communication: give your husband (wife) a rest,
- change yourself, make a novelty in your look. Surprise your partner with new sides of your personality.
If you feel that the beloved (favorite) is no longer cute (a). That is not love gone, but the disease has come. You are sick, and not your half became suddenly bad. The advice here is the same: reduce your communication intensity. To understand the feelings of some helps a short separation. Did you miss? Perfectly! So there are feelings. Save and improve relationships, appreciate them. You can read more about this in the article How to improve relations with a husband.
But if the spouses have done nothing to save their relationship, the next phase begins. The negative attitude takes possession completely of their consciousness. Whatever he (she) does, everything is bad. We look at everything through the glass sunglasses. In all today's and past actions we search and find only malicious intent. Well, how did I manage to marry her? And why did I marry him?
And here comes the fifth phase of the relationship between husband and wife. Consciousness is fully occupied by him (her) and the desire to express everything that was boiling on the soul. Everything is bad. There is a conflict. Occasion? Yes, anyone! Just to throw in the face all that you think! Well, they said it, they were offended, they stopped all communication and relationships (both emotional and sexual). How long? And who has it: someone lasts a few days, and someone has a rest for weeks or even months. Rested from each other, and again the relationship between the spouses returned to the first stage. And everything repeats: passionate love, cooling of feelings, dissatisfaction with relationships, and so on.
How often does a person go through these stages of feelings? The rhythm of the emotional life of each person is individual. Some go through these five stages in four months, someone in six or five. More often they do not coincide with the spouses. And this is good: when one is “strange”, the other can show maximum understanding, condescension and patience, and then the severity of tension in the relationship decreases. But it is very bad when the turnover of these spouses coincides in time. In a short time, they manage to “torture” their relationship and kill love.
Here are the difficulties and subtleties that must be taken into account in building harmonious relationships. We all strive for a happy family life, but we are too lazy to work. It is important to acquire over the years your personal experience of relationships, save it and betray it to children. Remember and appreciate each other. Conflicts and quarrels occur in every family, but occur in different ways. We are adults and to learn how to cope with our anger and remember that it has true value for us. On the other hand, if all this diversity and complexity between a man and a woman were not, life would be terribly bland. After all, only having tasted the bitter, we will understand what is sweet. Relationships need to work constantly so that the guest in the family more often has love-passion, the psychological climate in the family is favorable, and the psychological compatibility of the spouses has strengthened over the years. Remember, a happy relationship between a husband and wife is the ability to endure, to forgive offenses, to show tenderness, love, to have common interests.
Why spoil the relationship?
The first time after the wedding, it seems that the relationship will always be perfect and trusting. But what to do when the opposite happens and constant quarrels and discontent with each other only increase?
In addition to the monotony of family life and dissatisfaction with certain habits and character traits of the spouse, the reason for mutual claims, psychologists point out some unjustified expectations:
- Perhaps the spouse expects from her husband that he will be a real earner, quickly provide her and the children with housing and everything necessary. And he will certainly earn a lot of money, which will be enough for both children and a new fur coat and a chic rest. However, he should pay enough attention to the family, and spend a lot of time with them. At the same time, she herself is not obliged to go to work or is ready to work exclusively on part-time work.
- The situation resembles the first, but in this case the spouse expects from the wife that she will earn and work hard at work on a par with him or even more. At the same time, a young and beautiful wife should have at least two children and always remain in great shape like Angelina Jolie.
- Before marriage, the spouse or wife is quite active: go to nightclubs, like to spend time with friends. After entering into legal marriage, the second partner expects from its half that the festivities will cease, and a calm measured married life will replace it. But the husband or wife does not want to change his usual way of life, even despite the marriage and the presence of children.
- Mismatch about the idea of conducting a general life and raising children. This happens when the spouses have different views on the duties of women and men. For example, in a family of girls, mom and dad did the cleaning and cooked in turns or together, and the father always took part in raising the children. And in the family of a young man, women's duties for the father’s home were considered to be something humiliating, and only the mother was always engaged in the children. Having drawn conclusions from the experience of their family, young people try to build the same model in their marriage, but opinions and expectations do not coincide.
These are just a few of the many expectations that we create for ourselves. On the one hand, they help to plan and model the future, and on the other hand, they destroy this future and deceive us. What to do to save the marriage and avoid unwarranted expectations?
First of all, psychologists advise to let go of the situation and not to attach great importance to their made-up illusions. Do not invent yourself too much. Drop all emotions, dreams and think realistic. Assess the situation soberly and honestly answer all questions about how your family life will look after the wedding. Start with yourself, think about what exactly you are doing to make your partner happy and strengthen your marriage.
Where does love go?
Over time, the passion between husband and wife fades away and begins to seem that love has passed. But in fact, it does not go anywhere, but simply transforms into another form. If at the beginning of the relationship, the pair were guided only by ardent feelings and a magnetic attraction to each other, then gradually it develops into tenderness, care and a sense of gratitude to their spouse.
Relationships are like a fire, which at first flares up, and then gradually fades away. And so that the fire does not go out ahead of time, you need to constantly throw up wood. Also, in order to maintain passion and fire between a man and a woman, it is necessary for the wife to always attract her husband and be in great shape, and he, in turn, should appreciate and admire her. And you should always find a place for compromise, support each other, respect and be able to listen to your loved one.
Thus, building a happy and strong family is a work that requires effort, both from the husband and from the wife, in order to maintain trusting relationships, love and respect for your partner.
Stages of development of family relations between a husband and wife
Family relationships are not a static state, but a continuously evolving process. Crises, conflicts - the same component as love or respect. Any development is impossible without giving up the old forms and rules, so the spouses need to be prepared for change. Any couple goes through several stages of a relationship, each of which lasts for several months or years:
- Love or "candy-bouquet" period. This is a time when a man and a woman try to subdue each other and, being under the influence of passion, tend to idealize, have high expectations regarding family life. The disadvantages of the second half are either not noticed at all or are perceived biasedly. A significant role is given to external data, behavior, social status of the partner.
- Addictive or lapping. The couple has been living together for some time, and the priorities, life values and interests of each come to the fore. Несоответствия в этих вопросах ставят двоих в позицию противостояния, ссоры и конфликты – частый спутник в отношениях. Если мужчина или женщина не способны принять и понять друг друга, развод неизбежен.
- Компромиссы. Если пара успешно преодолела предыдущий этап, наступает время устойчивых семейных отношений. Это не всегда гарантирует удовлетворение обоим партнерам, т.к. Compromise in the family is achieved in different ways (equality, submission, humility, pressure, etc.) - each spouse chooses and plays a role that suits everyone to one degree or another.
- Routine and routine. Gradually, family relationships lose their passion, become predictable. Boredom in communication is as dangerous as an explosion of emotions in previous ones. Spouses are tired of each other, lose their meaning in the continuation of family relationships, begin to look for adventure on the side.
- Mature family. If a man and a woman have successfully overcome the first 4 levels, the time comes for conscious family relationships that do not always hold on to love. Often the cement of such relations is mutual respect, the experience of jointly overcoming difficulties, common interests (including material ones), and the fear of loneliness.
The crisis of family life is an inevitable transition to a new round of relationships. You do not need to be afraid of this, but to prepare, to learn to make concessions and take responsibility is worth it, if there is a goal to save the family. Experts identify several periods of family relationships:
- The first year of family life - is the formation and establishment of the internal and external boundaries of the family, lapping the characters and habits of men and women.
- From the 3rd to the 5th year - as a rule, the first child appears at this time, the housing issue is resolved, and expensive joint property is acquired. There is a redistribution of roles (spouses-parents), new responsibilities, new responsibilities appear. Love develops into friendship or habit.
- From the 7th to the 9th year - the children grew up, everything “settled down”. There is fatigue from each other, satiety in sex and joint habits, a feeling of routine in everyday life and communication, disappointment in expectations that have not been realized.
- From the 15th to the 20th year - children grow up and are separated from the parental family, the career reaches a certain peak. There is a feeling that everything has been achieved, it is not clear where to go next. This period often coincides with a midlife crisis for a man or a woman (40 years), which also gives rise to the uncertainty of further relations.